


Unexpected Union

by thenewnationalanthem (moxielovesshipping)



Series: Senses [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Depression, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, F/M, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Heartache, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Multiple Personalities, Non-Consensual Electroconvulsive Therapy, Psychological Torture, Sadness, Sexual Confusion, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 06:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11225415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moxielovesshipping/pseuds/thenewnationalanthem
Summary: He never wanted to fall in love.





	Unexpected Union

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this is really sad and poetic.

_I had seen you many times before, standing on the bridge between my life and my death, staring down at the cars below us as if your life depended on it. You seemed so happy there, without a doubt in the world, without me._

 

_Without us._

 

_I just wanted to know how you did it._

 

_I'll never forget the twinkle in your cerulean eyes when you spoke to me, as if I was there, as if you could see me._

 

_I knew I was a ghost, a fantasy for the masses, but you knew better._

 

_Believe me when I tell you, falling in love was not my intention._

 

_I've only ever fallen in love once. It wasn't that great, if I'm being truthful. But it was love._

 

_And it was real._

 

_And I swore I'd never fall again._

 

_She was a beautiful woman, full of care and charisma, charm and composure wrapped in such a petite package_ _._

 

_I could never call her my own, and I didn't want to, but I would never have chosen to part with her_ _._

 

_She was the sunshine for my garden, the wings that carried me above the peasant souls of Earth, my own flesh and blood, and she betrayed me._

 

_Well, who it was that I used to be at least._

 

_So it brought me to the bridge, where your grassy hair flowed in the wind, and your laugh carried a tune like only showmen could, and your eyes mirrored the world's utopia in a land of dystopian memories_ _._

 

_Ruined and soiled by the electric current._

 

_I wanted to turn you away._

 

_Save you the trouble of wasting your time and, save you the trouble wasting mine._

 

_Everyone is a murderer, and I happen to know many who have crimes you wouldn't dare commit_ _._

 

_Things you wouldn't dream of, but I am not violent._

 

_I could be, though_ _. Key word._

 

_Still, I found myself spending more time with you than I did with him, and I found out more about him through you than he could ever tell me himself._

 

_And he was so damn hard to keep up with._

 

_It was disappointing really_ _._

 

_You were soft and slow, my own personal warm hiding place, my guardian angel._

 

_I think it was the first kiss that did it. Not to you of course, you were too pure, too clean for my tainted lips to kiss._

 

_It was her first kiss that made me this way. My sister hated her, hated them for what they'd done to me._

 

_She loved me, and I hated her. I only fell in love once._

 

_It was real, and it was love indeed._

 

_All fantasies end though, and you found other people that mattered more to you than I did._

 

_Sure you kept in touch, came over, read me books and tucked me in like a babe, but there was a disconnect._

 

_My synapses and yours weren't in synch anymore._

 

_It was a bit unexpected of me to fall in love with my enemy, and I spent so much time wanting to be him, he became me._

 

_You loved him._

 

_You wanted him._

 

_But you hated me._

 

_We aren't the same._

 

_We are a union._

 

_But you'll love me now. You'll love me forever, and I'll love you._

 

_I could never say I blamed you for any of this. I was the size of a pushpin looking through the keyhole of your life, and you were a giant._

 

_I ripped that from you, your pride, your stamina, your independence,_

_trying to find my own._

 

_But I didn't want to be you. I wanted to be him so you would love me and I guess I tried too hard_ _._

 

_I'm reliving my life over and over again in an old scratched record player I bought down the street from The Institution._

 

_They told me it could play away my fears and skeptics, and I believed them._

 

_I couldn't help but keep chasing him though._

 

_I figured, maybe he knew what I didn't._

 

_Maybe he could help me._

 

_Then you came along, and maybe you could have helped me too._

 

_You were so much and I couldn't handle it if I wanted to._

 

_I fell in love with someone who didn't know me at all._

 

_But you loved him, and I wouldn't deny you that._

 

_You told me you had seen me many times before, doing things I'd never done in my life. You said there were so many times you'd watch me up above, wading my feet in the water of the dark abyss, contemplating life as if it were optional._

 

_I never meant to fall in love with you, it just...happened. I was under the impression that I couldn't love._

 

_That's what The Institution made me out to be. A lifeless robot of flesh and blood, of cuts and bruises, of pain and suffering._

 

_The Institution is not a bad place. It helps people, molds people into...nonviolent beings._

 

_In the same breath, they cause us not to feel anything, not just violence._

 

_I spent so much time trying to be him, for you, that I never realized that it was me you were falling for._

 

_I couldn't bear to know that neither of us knew who you were falling in love with, it was_ _unprecedented_ _after all._

 

_But here I am, writing you letters as if we were children in school, because I know my fried vocal cords would fail me to no end._

 

_I would have given these to you in person but, I can't see you cry. I can't feel, and I can't fall for you again._

 

_I can only hope that you will take from this your heart, and give it to someone who deserves it._

 

_-Anonymous_


End file.
